Diagnosing the ‘Mella’ in Me

Growing up there was a lot of buzz around a concept called ‘Mellas’, specially in junior high and even high school where the social class system was rigidly defined among the kids (including myself!). In school we would stay away from ‘Mella-speak’ or ‘Mella-ttiquetes’ or risk catching the cooties. It was quite an interesting phenomenon which now that I am 25, think was ridiculous and cruel as with many other social norms of the teenage. As we moved on to higher grades and became more socially aware, hormones raging, overtly conscious of how people were looking at us specially that of the wonderful opposite sex , the fear of being labeled a ‘Mella’ or ‘Gay’ took epic proportions, where guys would label one another, come up with the latest trends in hairstyle etc etc… it got to point where the most stereotypical of the so called ‘Mellas’ stood up, sick of being labeled they lashed out so that now our entire batch was divided in to ‘Mellas’ and ‘Burgers’ hahhaha crazy

The whole facade seems so naive now reflecting on the challenges and complication of a responsible adult when in school our biggest concern was not catching the cooties….. infact  I find that all guys inevitably end up doing all those ‘Mella’ things at some point in their life, hell most of them do it all the time .. that is just how us guys are. Having a little bit of ‘Mella’ in you makes you a complete guy!! (For those of you who do not know what ‘Mella’ is; Mella in Urdu slang means an uncouth, stereotypically male, horny asshole who has a fantastic vocabulary of curses. Though it is a word that remains in the domain of MEN, some Women also qualify for the title)

Seriously, it doesn’t matter what the guy does, how much money he makes, what social strata he belongs to, what has been his upbringing, there is alota ‘Mella’ in him which likes to come out from time to time. And nothing turns in to bigger fucking ‘Mella-fest’ then when a bunch of guys meet up over the weekend. Its a sight to behold I can tell you. When me and my buddies catch up over the weekend it is always a crazy crazy night. Of course I can’t tell you some of the nasty shit that we talk about and enjoy and NO, if any of the readers here are committed ladies,NO!! you do not have ANY IDEA what your guy talks about when he catches up with his mates. Cause see it is like this, when we were young having a girl was the height of being cool so we had no choice but to be as nice and decent as possible, i mean we were nice and decent even when we didn’t wanted to, you remember the time you said “Oh my man speaks my language”, Hell no, the only time a guy speaks his language is when he is among other guys.

So now, it seems like being in a relationship seems to be getting a bigger hassle by the day, whats with all the emotional baggage, constant pacifying, ‘sorting things out’ and the always hanging guillotine of marriage which being a Pakistani everyone at our age hangs around our necks. In a relationship we spent 90% of the time trying to please you ladies and 10% talking romance, I have yet to date a girl who I could just be myself with completely! And I know it aint gona happen, women and men are just too different. And with that whole ‘Cool/Mella’ phase long   gone us guys have developed a very interesting way to get over this whole relationship dilemma,

Option 1: Get Married Asap

Option 2: Be in a fling

Option 3: Stay single

Dating a girl and knowing her and taking it slow.. I don’t think that works any more when you are in your 20s.

Now ladies, please do not get me wrong I have no problems with the nagging, I understand that is in your nature to do so, playing hard to get , always complaining, the whole routine and to be honest us guys do it too albeit at a very toned down level. What does gets to me are the interruptions when a man is having a boyz night. You do not seem to realize how sacred a boys night is for us. It comes once or twice a week and is our sole chance to revive, be as ‘Mella’ as we can be, smoke or smokeup (whatever suits) and feel completely at ease scratching our ba**s in open. What? oh you are probably going ewwwwww! right now but thats exactly how us guys feel when you talk about getting the ‘upper-lip’ done or yes the PMS when we are ‘supposed’ to be kind, caring and understanding anything otherwise will get a big OH YOU ARE SUCH AN INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! 😛 don’t get me wrong again this is not who is the superior sex blog post,  hahaha im just highlighting the facts of life as Chris Rock says most admirably here:

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